He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
