Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
