I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
