Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
