my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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