I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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