U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
