apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
