as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
