I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
