We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
