Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
