Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
