ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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