u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
