So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
