New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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