1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
