he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
