So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
