if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
