Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
