Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
