Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
