these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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