Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
