i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
