I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
