jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
