dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
