Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
