DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
