My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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