Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you never un-have a 4some
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
