I can tuck mytits in my pants
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
