operation harelip BJ is a go
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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