Bisexual people are plain selfish.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
