It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize