Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
