he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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