I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
