I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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