guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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