WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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