i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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