Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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