smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I deserve this hangover.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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