none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
