Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
