absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
