I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
wow bdsm is so cute
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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