I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
