I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
