How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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