people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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